Owens is in for it now

Ron Morgan

March 19, 2009 10:11 pm

— If you think the T.O. apologists are up in arms over Jerry cutting him, just think what they’d be howling about if he had traded him to Buffalo. I would venture to guess that it would have been seen as being sent to Siberia.
I mean, can you imagine living in Buffalo?
Assigning Owens to a life in the upstate New York tundra would have been viewed as the ultimate punishment for the whiney one. Luckily, T. O. exiled himself there.
If you think Terrell whined here, just wait until he gets a dose of Buffalo. Not only have their football fortunes been stifled, their social life isn’t one to which the self-anointed one is accustomed. Stop for a minute and get a mental picture of T.O.’s annual birthday bash with all his high flying buddies. Do they even have a ball room at the Motel Six?
But, I don’t really care what hardships that No. 81 endures. I figure he’s a grown man (at least physically), and he’s literally made his own bed. I do, however, worry a little about Buffalo.
Let’s face it. Living in Buffalo can’t be compared to a paradise like Miami, L.A., Dallas or Peoria. Buffalo averages six days of summer a year. Their biggest contribution to American society is the invention of the hot wing. And, Elliot Spitzer never found a “girlfriend” there.
Football-wise, they’re O-fer in Super Bowls. Their biggest stars have been Jack Kemp, Cookie Gilchrest and a pre-white Bronco O.J. If that’s not bad enough, how would you like to have a team nickname that came from a Wild West show featuring Annie Oakley?
Dallas has done enough to Buffalo over the years. Jimmy Genius and the ’92 ‘Boys humiliated the Bills despite Leon Lett’s effort to keep the score tighter. They turned around and ended Buffalo’s Super Bowl run the next season. The Stars took the Stanley Cup from the Sabers in ’99 with a skate in the crease. Had Jerry been responsible for sending Owens to the frozen north, they might have decided to invade us.
I’m just glad it was a mutual decision between the team and Terrell to move there. No one can blame Big D or Jerry for the dilemma.
Of course, Buffalo would have been better served to have traded for Owens. Jerry wanted him out of town, not as much as Romo and Jason Garrett wanted him out, but he wanted him gone. He would have traded him for a bucket of wings.
The Bills could have dumped a contract on Jerry that they didn’t want. They could have freed up some cap space because Jerry would have taken anyone. On top of that, they could have saved money. They’re giving him $6.7 million for one year. His Cowboy contract only called for a little over $4 million. Of course, if they were too smart, they wouldn’t be in Buffalo.
But, I still feel bad. On top of having funny accents and having to live like Eskimos, now they have to put up with Terrell Eldorado Owens. That’s just piling on. Someone should get a fifteen yard penalty. I’m afraid that it’s just too much for one city to endure.
But, you know what? I really happy that it’s them and not us. It might not mean any more wins, but the losses won’t be nearly as painful. At least maybe the camera will return to Jessica instead of a pouting wide receiver.