Published: October 16, 2009 08:59 am      

Survivor Samoa/Episode Five

by Scout Cloud Lee



Ashley Hurls Her Way Home! Will someone please tell me how a person can be one swallow away from steaks and sausage, and quit, quit, quit? Our “high maintenance” home girl gagged on Samoan smoothies and is gone. Not too much lost in the game with her absence. She proved to be too puny for the game…not even a poor garden variety of guts and grit.





About the only amazing thing about this episode was the rain. I can’t stop thinking about it. For all of us who have lived in cold, freezing rain for days and days at a time, this episode was really tough to watch. The memory is tattooed on our souls. We will carry this experience deep in the pockets of our existence forever. In such horrible conditions, all one can think about is the hope, redemption, and transformative power of sunshine.





Is it my imagination or has Tacky Tex Russell twice been foiled in his orbiting struggle for gravitational supremacy in his tribe. He once again had to vote with his tribe, rather than against his brilliant and insightful foe, Liz.





While Jaison has taken up permanent residence in my heart, Liz is running a close second. She is managing to keep her emotions tucked safely in the strait jacket of “calm, cool, and collected”. The girlfriend proved herself a formidable foe in the coconut game. She is physically a challenge and she is blistering smart. As they say in Australia, she is “cluey”. She is certainly not a “Beetles come to America” kind of girl. Don’t think we’ll ever have to endure her weeping openly, clutching her cheeks with both hands and screaming adoration.





Tacky Tex was, as usual, full of cockamamie BS. He is a person whom I cannot compute, cannot compute, cannot compute! My file of reasons to vote him out of this game grows fatter by the day. Being a gentleman is not a card he will ever play. His need for pounding his chest in search of supremacy is terrible in its completeness. Can’t wait to meet his family. Wait! I take that back. I hope he doesn’t make it far enough in the game to deserve a familial visit. I wonder if Ashley will have a grand mal seizure when she finds out what a low life Texas Russell really is?





Hopefully everyone noticed our “jeweled navel” Natalie’s beatific smile while voting off her Bobbsey twin, Ashley. So far Natalie has been a nobody in this game. She’ll probably be next on the chopping block.





I personally applaud Chief Russell for sending “socially awkward” Shambo marching reluctantly away from the Feast. “Tit for tat” as they say in the game of life. She lost food for her tribe and deserved to be shorted food herself. I personally think Shambo can love Foa Foa ‘til the cows come home’. It won’t help her to have alliances among losers. Now, before anyone gets their “root for the under-dog hackles up”, let me say that I believe a mix up of some kind may be coming. However, I think alliances are already too deeply rooted to be shaken.





I’m starting to notice lots of amenities that we never had: grills, cooking tools, bananas, papayas, etc. Is Survivor getting “soft” in its old age? If it weren’t for the freeze butt cold rain, I’d be thinking “Club Med” for this season. I don’t believe the gods were watching this episode. They abhor boredom!