Published: November 04, 2009 04:11 pm      

No matter how you say it, it’s been an interesting week

I’ve just had the most interesting week, “interesting” being the word you use when you don’t know whether to laugh, or cry, or both.

What was interesting — which, by the way, I was taught to pronounce as “IN-trest-ing,” as opposed to the oft-heard “INNER-est-ing” — was that twice in one week I found myself a victim. First of someone else’s criminally bad manners, and once of my own stupidity.

The first story begins with a telephone call from one of my credit card companies. A very nice woman on the other end of the line started by asking if I’d recently made any large purchases.

“Well, I spent about $150 at Target last week,” I said, “but I’m pretty sure that’s under my credit limit. Look, if it’s a problem, I have two unopened three-pound bags of Gummi Bears I could take back and ...”

“No, sir, that’s not the problem. We’d like to know if you recently made any purchases at (name withheld) cabinet company.”

“No, I haven’t.” I already saw where this conversation was heading. “How much are we talking about?”

“$2,000,” said the credit card lady.

“Oh, my. No.”

“I see, sir. And did you make any purchases at an (name withheld again) wholesale?”

“No. Do I want to know how much?”

“$4,000. Sir? Sir? Are you there?”

I picked myself up off the floor. Egad. Someone had just racked up six big ones on my credit card, and I was worried about Gummi Bears.

Obviously I had been the victim of an identity thief. Of course, the credit card lady knew this and went to great effort to assure me I would not get stuck with the bill, but I still felt like something creepy had just happened. I thanked the credit card lady for the call, destroyed the card as she instructed, and began wondering how in the dickens this all happened.

I started thinking back on how I had used the card, and who might have appropriated my credit, and soon enough the answer came to me: I have no earthly idea.

All I could remember for sure was that trip to Target, and I was pretty sure the nice lady at the register there didn’t do it. Heck, I see her all the time. Then I began thinking that she would be the perfect one to do it because no one would suspect her. I began to concoct a plan where I would be in her line and just casually mention that I was looking for new cabinets, just to see what her reaction would be. And then I decided to stop making myself crazy.

The plain truth is I got defrauded and in doing so, joined the 21st Century. I had fallen victim to the 21st Century crime of identity theft.

This brings me to my next calamity, which I brought on myself. Speaking of joining the 21st Century, I got myself a Blackberry. Don’t ask why. All l I know is that the price was right, the plan was fair, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. Then again, so did getting a credit card.

The only trouble is I can’t see the letters and numbers well enough to make the thing work. I have just about memorized the owner’s manual, though, and I’ll say this:

It sure is inneresting.

© 2009 Mike Redmond. All Rights Reserved.