Published: February 09, 2006 04:20 pm      

All politics are local

RIDE THE LIGHTNING

The first State of the Union address I watched was the first for President Ronald Reagan. I didn’t know much about the man except that he had been a popular actor, a lover of jellybeans, and that he sported some swell looking hair. The address was difficult to pay attention to; instead I found my ears turning off, and my eyes turning on the big white haired gent behind Reagan, who turned out to be Speaker of the House Tip O’Neil. Significantly, the Democratic speaker and the Republican president fought like dogs as far as politics went; when the work was done, however, Tip and The Gip would amble over to a Georgetown bar for a beer, or two.

Years later, I read O’Neil’s colorful biography, Man of the House. I loved the stories about his early years as a Massachusetts representative; the St. Patrick’s Day parties with the Kennedys, and golfing with Gerald Ford. O’Neil’s political advice was commonsensical, folky stuff that one would expect to get from a granddad who had seen his fair share of phonies. One of O’Neil’s sayings – “all politics is local” – comes up quite a bit; especially now, when it’s apparent that “globalization” and wars in two different countries keep our military brass and presidential sass constantly occupied.

After listening to President Bush’s State of the Union address last week, it’s apparent that the administration’s take on O’Neil’s saying is “all politics is global,” as dozens of the speech’s paragraphs were devoted to how the U.S. plans to rebuild war-torn countries, and thereby stabilize them, in order to lead an international movement for political democracy. Doesn’t sound much like the “War on Terror,” but that’s what it’s turned into. Bush’s puffy freedom spreading talk sounded particularly fluffy on that evening, as Palestinians had recently “democratically” elected the terrorist organization Hamas to the legislature.

Of the 16 mentions of “Iraq” or “Iraqis” in Bush’s address, there were two mentions of “New Orleans;” one of “Gulf Port.” There was not a single mention of “Hurricane Katrina,” nor concession, or explanation, about the “Medicare Part D” fiasco. I guess the government really is washing its hands of these disasters. So, in the spirit of Bush’s “all politics is global” ideology, let me propose a solution to the aforementioned problems:

First, all seniors and disabled folks who’ve had trouble with Medicare Part D need to find a way to get to New Orleans. When they’re all safe and sound in the Big Easy, have Blanco and Nagin move to secede from the Union. Hand Louisiana over to a band of “islamo-radicals,” who will in turn take over the rigs, pipelines and oil. At which point Bush will invade them, rebuild the hurricane-devastated area, and devise ways for all Louisianans to receive affordable – and understandable – health care. Two birds with one stone: Global and local. Laissez le Bon Temps Roulez!