Published: February 09, 2006 04:23 pm      

Register for what you know (and like)

MARSHALL LAW

I spent, oh, I’d say about three hours on Sunday closely examining spoons. I held them in my right hand checking the weight and balance of dozens of them. I tested them in bowls to make sure they would properly scoop any and every bit of ice cream out of the sides. I repeatedly monitored the look and feel of these spoons as I hypothetically used them to scoop soup toward my mouth.

Yes, I was registering for wedding stuff. Well, not just me, but Jen, too, with help from her mom.

I’ll admit only to those of you close enough to me to read these words that I am not an expert when it comes to kitchen items and table settings. I know there are several forks and spoons used in fancy dinners and that you start from the outside with these utensils and work your way toward your plate as courses progress. But as far as serving spoons and forks, egg cups, and water goblets go, I’m in the dark.

So this weekend, I focused on what I know: spoons and bowls and wine glasses. I’ve written on this page about my fascination with bowls and glasses, how I develop relationships with them and feel a genuine loss when one breaks or winds up missing.

I let Jen focus her attention on everything else, which may not have been very fair - sense the women helping us was totally senile, had forgotten to buckle her belt when she returned from a break, and did not see eye to eye with our tastes. But I was busy with spoons and bowls, my forte.

In the end - and nearly the end of the aforementioned saleslady - we registered. It’s official now, we’re getting married. In September, by the way.

Registering for stuff for a wedding is a constant battle between two emtions: courtesy toward our friends and relatives who might purchase items from the registry and don;t need to spend a lot of money on things like sugar bowls and napkin rings; and total unbridled greed.

Sure, most everything we saw this weekend was nice and would look good in our kitchen or on the table. But we don’t need it all, and where the heck would we put it anyway? Yes, yes, the $800 lamp would look fantastic hanging somewhere in the house, but we could also get braces for our kids someday with that kind of money. Maybe we could register for orthodontics gift certificates?

Needless to say, we did agree on some things like the nearly opaque plastic medicien cabinet - but we have to buy colorful medicine, I said - and the cute little portable radio. But we opted against the $400 tea pitcher, even though it was the coolest looking one we had ever seen.

As Stewart said, do you even drink $400 worth of tea in a lifetime? Good point.

Registering was the easy part, to tell you the truth. The day before, we met with the caterer to discuss the menu for the big day. For starters, we were presented with the lady’s options for appetizers, salads, entrees, and desserts that could be paired with our cake.

The hard part was deciding what we wanted to eat and what everyone else would like to eat. There would be vegetarians and vegans (no meat or dairy at all) and those with allergies to nuts and seafood. The salad includes gorgonzola cheese and mandarin oranges. We opted for a split plate meal that includes - ready? - sweet potato crusted halibut. We narrowed our appetizers down to eight from like 16. And for dessert? The wedding cake will be all anyone needs.

We then went with her to tour the venue - an former library that’s being turned into an art school on Long Island (yes, New York) - and while she and her chef worked out plans, Jen and I envisioned the ceremony and the procession of the bridesmaids and groomsmen.

A wedding planner would have to be nuts to work with us, as we’re thinking of playing theme songs for each member of the wedding party as they walk down the aisle. And we want to set up a portrait station so guests can take Polaroids of themselves and paste them into a scrapbook for us.

Lots to think about when to comes to weddings, I guess. Sure, we could have run off somewhere and tied the knot for much less money and hassle. But it all came down to our friends and family. We want them all to be there to share our special moment. Heck, our special day.

To show them photos of us on a beach without them wouldn’t mean as much. We want them all to be able to see us in 20 years, and remember our wedding and the dancing and the cake. And I want them to say, “these are really great spoons. Where did you ge them?”

And I’ll say, “From you.”