Published: October 10, 2008 05:56 pm            

What’s on your mind?

Are you familiar with the serenity prayer? Its origin has been debated for years, but it has become a cornerstone belief for those in 12-step recovery programs. Are we not all in recovery of some sort? It reads:

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”

The longer version follows with:

“Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; taking as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it:

Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen”

What has made this prayer such a powerful favorite for so many? Its simply stated, yet profound message has for decades provided a guideline for dealing with life circumstances in an effective way.

It appears that assuming that our circumstances will define our peace and joy is a set up for disaster. Scott Peck in The Road Less Traveled begins his book with the statements- “Life is difficult. And, the first step toward mental health is accepting that life is difficult. The second step is developing the tools to deal with life’s difficulties.”

How we think determines how we feel. The same circumstance can happen to two people and their feelings about it will be determined by how they choose to think about it. One may see the rain as a spoiler to his fishing trip, while the other is excited by how the rain will save his crops.

Robert McGee in The Search for Significance teaches a technique called “The trip in and the trip out.” He proposes that when we are having negative feelings (e.g. feeling rejected, depressed, shame, etc.) that we take “the trip in” and notice what we are saying to ourselves. Typically, we will be saying something irrationally negative or untrue. He recommends that when we identify the irrational/untrue tape playing, we “eject” it and replace it with the truth. We then take the “trip out” with better resulting feelings.

It is not our circumstances that determine how we feel. It is how we think about our circumstances that determines how we feel.

Albert Ellis identifies what he believes are the core irrational beliefs that get us in trouble emotionally:

1. One should be loved, or approved of, by almost everyone.

2. In order to be worthwhile, one should be competent in almost all respects.

3. Some people are intrinsically bad and deserve punishment.

4. Things should always be exactly the way we want them to be (and that it is terrible when they are not.)

5. Individuals have little internal control over their personal happiness or misery.

6. If there is some possibility that something may be dangerous, one should worry about it a great deal.

7. It is easier to avoid than to face difficulties and responsibilities inherent in living.

8. A person should be (that is, needs to be) dependent on other, stronger individuals.

9. A person’s present and future behavior is irreversibly dependent on significant past events.

10. A person should become extremely upset over the problems of others.

11. Every problem has (should have, must have) an ideal solution, and it is catastrophic when this solution is not found.

So, what is on your mind?

        

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